There are many reasons why people decide to see a psychiatrist, but wanting to know how to increase happiness and fulfillment are at the top the list.

I know, because I’ve spent 24 years helping patients try to do this in my psychiatry practice.

Although everyone’s situation is particular to them, what I’ve learned is that we all have the ability to tap into heart to find our innate capacity for courage, hope, perseverance, love, and facing uncomfortable truths. When you learn how to do this, you’ll increase happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Heart the way I’ve come to understand it is a collection of often underused abilities and universal longings for purpose, self-value, connection, and happiness. I like to think of heart as our refresh button – it clears the screen and gets rid of any old, stale, negative and repetitive perceptions that leave you feeling tired, inadequate and hopeless.

But you need to clear space in your brain to welcome heart.

In order to ensure survival, your brain has evolved a famine mindset. Brain will tell you there is never enough to go around, so better to prepare for the worst than risk starvation should a famine occur. Better safe than sorry. While this mental adaptation probably saved the lives of your ancestors, it over-reaches now by cautioning you against savoring the moment, exploring a new interest, or launching out in a new direction.

Benefits of Being in Heart

When you tap into heart, it takes your fear and in return shows you your capacity to be unimaginably brave. Brave enough to do or deal with whatever terrifies you. Brave enough to do or stand up for what’s right. Brave enough to simply move forward and overcome fear. And brave enough to relax your defensives and experience love and joy.

Heart makes space for the future being a mystery with infinite possibilities while brain jumps to conclusions – most of the time envisioning the worst possible outcome. When you make the space to connect brain and heart, it creates the possibility for something new because you’re looking at things in a new way. In heart you’ll find your capacity for love, and increase happiness and fulfillment in your life.

3 Steps to get into Heart
Step 1: Find your motivation.

Often my patient’s motivation is being really fed up and tired of living with a lack of love. When there’s no heart, there’s no love – and the wide ranging effects are feelings of emptiness, numbness, indifference, irritation, lack of energy, and loneliness. When they reach this point, they’re ready to try something new to increase the happiness and fulfillment in their lives.

My motivation was noticing how I was greeting myself each morning in a very brainy way. I’d wake up and immediately go through my list of worries, and think about how much I had to do and how I’d never get it all done. Before even getting out of bed, I had decided it was going to be another difficult day – and this left me feeling tired and irritable at the start of my day.

But one morning while opening the shades, I was struck by the beautiful, expansive sunlight. It literally woke me up to the possibility of living this brand new day with love instead of fear, and peace instead of upset. In that moment, I realized if I didn’t want to be miserable anymore it was time to choose love instead of fear.

Heart Practice #1

Start each day by saying, “Let me choose heart’s love today. Let heart’s gentleness guide my thoughts, words and actions today. Let heart be a soothing presence in my mind.”

Spend about a minute on this and when your mind wanders just return to the words. If you have a negative or unhappy thought counter it by saying “Let me choose heart’s love today instead of this thought about X (name of person or situation that is upsetting you).

Step 2: Notice whether you’re in heart or only thinking with brain.

The best way to access heart is to simply notice whether or not you’re already there. It takes a little practice, but often your intention to be in heart and a willingness to shift out of brain is all it takes.

Heart Practice #2

Ask yourself, “Am I in heart?” Often the answer will be I have no idea, so we need to start there.  A good way of knowing if you are or aren’t in heart is to ask, “Am I able to offer love right now?” Honestly, I cannot think of a time when one’s capacity to offer love – to another or yourself – is unhelpful.

Step 3: Use words to conjure heart.

Become aware of your thoughts so you can bring them into connection with heart and dissolve fear. You do this by taking each thought and asking, “Is this thought a gift or a grievance? Is it new or old? Does this thought inspire or burden me?”

Once you question the value of a thought, you’ll see it differently. Next fill your mind with awareness of your value, strength and love. Or if you’re dealing with an external situation like an argument, fill your mind with awareness of another person’s value, strength and love.

The words you choose are key to creating space for heart to enter and offer something new to your brain. This heart practice is meant to take just a moment, and then repeat as necessary throughout the day. When you remind yourself to look at a difficult situation again in heart, you’ll see things in a brand new light.

Heart Practice #3

If you’re angry or upset, slowly say, “Let me know my heart’s love and offer it now” or “Let me look at the situation again from heart, put it in perspective, and notice that it’s manageable and forgivable.”

When you’re afraid or insecure, slowly say, “Heart is my strength” or “My heart knows I’m strong even when I don’t. My heart knows I’m deserving of love, even when I don’t. My heart knows you’re deserving of love, even when I don’t.”

Remember that at the root of fear and worry is unreasonable thinking, and heart is your source for logical thinking, truth and calm. Heart puts your problems in perspective, and helps you see them as smaller and more manageable than your brain would have you believe.

Once you know how to intentionally access heart, you can combine heart’s power with brain’s. Give these heart practices a try and let me know how you feel afterwards in the comment section below.

Heartfelt wishes,
Amy

Photo credit: Ike Natividad